Get your ow
n diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2006-03-02 - 9:09 p.m.

Well, Jake, you're right, he's a dog and a tiger can't change his stripes. A few days ago i heard him leaving a message -the type of message that he generally leaves for me when he's drunk- not elegant, but somewhat flattering in it's own right. The catch is he was leaving it for his ex. I confronted him about it, he claims that he's only doing it becasue it is what she needs now (on account that she is losing everything due to her being fired from THD) We fought outside in the cold long enough for me to give in, fine you're sorry, you're going to talk to her. I want to believe him but can't. Rooting for the underdog i give him a chance. He was good the next day, but not from that day forward. I'm so angry, maybe he's not calling me back because he knows i just want to yell at him.
So i went to the movies...alone. Just showed up with the thought that i would see whatever is showing at 6:13. Turns out that it was Madea's family reunion. Not a movie i would see under any other circumstance. However, it was exactly the movie that i needed to see. Made me want to be and empowered young black woman with an attitude. Except for the fact that about a quarter into the film a bleached-haired young man near my age came down the row previously occupied only be me and asked for the time, 6:51. And then he sits about two seats away from me. He has an oder that i don't appreciate. He tries to talk to me and i completely ignore him, so he talks to himself but directs his conversation at me. Later he turns and askes me why i am at the movies alone. Now because this is the first time that i had gotten enough courage to attend the theater alone without feeling like a giant loser, this comment was also not appreciated. So, feeling my inner bootylicious black self being revived inside of me, i think to myself, just tell him to fuck off. Overpowered by the timid white girl i am who is aware of the rapes that have recently taken place in the parking lot at this theater blurts out "i don't want to talk to you". He turns back to his seat and exclaims to the emptiness in front of him, "well, i didn't want to talk to you either". he sits there for another five or ten minutes and i quickly become very aware of my nerves which are questioning why he might be here alone seeing as he is the wrong color and wrong gender to appreciate such a film. Suddenly he shoots from his seat and is down the stairs standing in the open doorway of one of the outdoor exits. i watch him out of the corner of my eye as he paces and sneers in my direction until he allows the door to shut. For the next hour i argue with myself as to the best time to leave to ensure no encounter with him after the film, as NO ONE knows my location this evening. Eventually i decide to finish the movie and bail quickly afterward. So the movie ends and as the credits begin i bolt from my seat only to be met by whom i think is him, his friend and also his friend the theater security guard which reassures me none, rather scares me more. Out to the car, and finally to safety as i motor away.
I want greg to show up at my door so i can slam it in his face, or yell then slam. Or call so i can at least yell. However, here is the catch. I desperately need his help. I'm moving and i have exausted all other resources to recruit in helping me move select pieces of large furniture. He said he would help me, but that means then i can't yell. All i can do is wallow and feel awful because now i am absolutely using him. I shouldn't feel bad about this because he apparently has been using me, but i do.



previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!