2006-01-28 - 8:17 p.m.
School has officially been in session for one week, and this is the first time in my life where i am no where to be found in the scholastic sense. For this i feel an odd combination of guilt and freedom. Yea! So that means that now i am just a working sap. Tomorrow will mark my first actual 40 hour week, oh my god. Forty hours is too much for any one person to work in a singular place in a week. We will see how this pans out. However, this whole not going to school thing does have it's benefits in that i was able to go to san francisco with greg yesterday. *Gasp* i know, i know, it's against my seriously better judgement. But it all worked out that after my last entry i ended up hopping online to see what prospects were available to me so that i could continue my serial monogamy, so now i'm fifty bucks in the hole and have nothing but another damn learning experience to show from it. But not the important kind like on PBS, more like, i'm grasping at straws to not make this a waste. I really only spoke with one fella that seemed mildly amusing, or enough so that i could handle a cup of coffee with him, Brandon. So we the day actually came to do that whole coffee thing i wasn't feeling it and tried to bail, but it didn't work. Second doubts are just the greatest right? So the entire drive there i was trying to talk myself into that this was a good idea, but i really knew that it was over before it even began. We met, and i guess it was ok... i didn't want to vomit afterward, however there was NO physical contact during the event and thwarted where attempted. Anyway upon driving away, i tried to analyze the mess i just endured, why was it over before it began? Yep, because i still have feelings for Greg. Dammit, and next thing i know i'm standing in front of his house. My staukers are rubbing off on me. Anyway we talked for about five hours. No making-out, just chatting. It was good, i was able to figure some stuff out about him, and other things were left well alone. So now work is really pleasant. Things seem to be back to normal, he passes by and smiles and i smile back basking in my own desire. Very pleasant feeling. Although still skepitcal of Greg and what he is really doing i was invited to a Kings game by Brandon... by this time about three days has passed since seeing him, and i begin to romanticize the time we had and decide after some convincing that i would attend the even with him. Great game, Kings won against the lakers in OT and it was actually entertaining, good crowd etc. However i could have traded in my date. But he was all sorts of thrilled about the whole event. Anyway, he wanted to go out again the next night, i hadn't figured out how i was going to break it to him yet that it just wasn't happening so i told him that i would call him. The next day rolls around and Greg askes me to a movie with him. Ok, and with a guilty conscience, i turned off my phone. When i turned it on a few hours later i was plagued by about four or five text messages, i didn't call Brandon back. I waited about two days and sent him an e-mail. Maybe that appropriate on account that that is how we met. He took it pretty well, returned his own e-mail laced with self-destructing thoughts but still wants to be friends. I can't be his friend, his personality is too angry and he brings out in me a girl that i don't want to be. I don't want to get my kicks by making fun of him or other people aloud (i only want to do that behind their backs :D) So greg and i hang out again, we rented a movie and that was great and fine. Our relationship has digressed to a G borderline PG type of rating which although that's not what i want on a surface level, deep down i'm really grateful for it. He asked me to go with him to Tahoe, however, the weather was awful so yesterday we trekked to San Fran and did all the touristy things that i had never done before- Pier 39, Alcatraz (which wasn't nearly as scary as i had anticipated), the wax museum (which is a bit un-nerving), The Palace of Fine Arts (i've been there before, but just really like it) watched a street entertainer lay on glass and eat fire, then we drove around little italy and ate at an overpriced jungle themed resturaunt. He paid for just about everything, and believe me it was not a cheap trip. I had him as a captive audience in the car so we talked and held a good conversation, not like other recent and fabulous conversations that i've experienced with other folks (you know who you are) but he's not much of a talker to begin with so i was quite pleased with his level of envolvement. So overall very good trip, do it again in a heart beat. Except i think that i now have a cold and it could be from my constant state of freezing were ever i am. San Fran was especially not warm, just happy we didn't go to tahoe, i probably would have pneumonia now. Oh, also, you know how i said that i'm not going to diet, yeah, that was a lie. I'm trying the south beach diet, and went seven days on only veggies and meat (not easy) then ruined it with the trip, so here we go again. Maybe it's working, i don't have a scale.
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