2005-02-07 - 8:54 p.m.
I went to sacramento today to a cabinet thing put on by american woodmark. I was feeling really hip this morning and was having myself a grand ol' time. Looking back i think i was in such a good mood because i decided that i had waited long enough for the boy to call, and i was going to go get him. I tried this morning before i headed out to the city, but the bread place wasn't open yet. So i made a point to go there when i got back. Apparently he doesn't work on Mondays. So i got the bright idea to call him and against the advice of the village elders ie. Gloria, i asked him out. By leaving a message around 2:30. It rang once and then the message. It was abrupt as if he knew why i was calling and turned off his phone just so he wouldn't have to be a part of my little plan. And mind you the message was not as articulate as i would have pleased. Anyway, it is now 8:58 and he has not called me back. I think that that is the last straw for him. He's not going to call.
Kathy, HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU.
Get over it.
It's just this time of year, every year i get really bummed. Even when i was dating Nick. I had essentially decided that we had become dead to eachother... so i went skiing last valentines day. The year prior, Ben was a gigantic freakin' bum and could hardly manage to hand me a card printed from a computer program after i had made a big to-do of the whole so-called "holiday"... i was heart broken. Even during the two valentine span with Big Gay William, it was bad. We got into a massive argument each year. I think that i should just lock myself away and avoid all human contact in every way shape and form. Although this year valentines day falls on a monday which i consequently work most mondays. So much for that plan.
It's not that i am disgusting and no one would dream of coming near me. Although it seems that it might be easier if that were the case. As far as i know, the boy from Redding still loves me, on that he continues to send me e-mails. Dispite my not returning them. Big Gay William text messages me five years after the fact, even though i told him i never wanted to talk to him again. And now there is this fellow from Anderson who found me on the internet, during my whole summer internet dating phase. And kept asking me out, and although i never told him no directly, i surely hinted at it. He hasn't given up. His name is Aaron. He was in Chico a few nights ago so i met him. I'm not terribly attracted to him for whatever reason. I think it's because he is slightly obnoxious, not my overall type. But he was really into me. It was comforting. WHICH is wrong. Because i don't love him, and i feel that i would just be using him, or leading him on. But he wants to come see me. I shouldn't right now because of the lack of the entire bread boy situation... to which Aaron knows not about... but did know about all the other fellows i've dated in the last two months or so. But the attention is sort of welcomed. I'm a terrible person. Ug.
�
�
